Funny stories about my new "girls."

So far my new "girls" have provided me with some funny moments that I'd like to share. About a week ago, I was having lunch with some of my Pink Ribbon Cowgirls. I was sitting next to a friend when I stood up to talk to an other gal next to her. All of the sudden, my friend cleared her throat and said to me quietly, "Um Romy, your boob is resting on my shoulder." Well, I had no idea that it was, because I have no sensation what-so-ever (and probably never will) in my new breasts! Fortunately, we both started cracking up as she completely understood, as only a fellow breast cancer survivor could.
Then a few minutes later I was leaning over my cappuccino talking to an other friend, when that friend pointed down and said, "Romy, watch out. You're about to dunk your boob in your coffee." Laughs all around again. Boy, I'm going to really have to watch my "girls." They seem to get in the way all the time and since I can't feel them, it would be very easy to have a serious mishap!

On a different note, the "girls" are healing nicely. The horrible pain I was feeling underneath my left breast every time I bent down is gone thankfully. I thought the pain might be due to an infection but the surgeon checked it and said that everything looked good so far. He also removed the rest of the stitches. Overall, I must say that I am pleased with the way they look although sometimes the right breast looks like it's deflating in one small area. I'm not sure what that is all about but I hope that it doesn't get worse.

In the event of an accident

When I came home from the hospital, along with my discharge instructions, were two ID cards with some of my information imprinted on them. The cards also have the name of the company that makes my new boobies. I asked Mr. Pincushion what the cards were for. Do you know what he said? He said they were my new ID cards for the implants and something about how I have to go online to register them! Isn't that crazy? I've heard of registering appliances like the stove or refrigerator for the warranty but my boobs? I thought maybe the cards were for me to keep in my purse so that in the event of an accident or if I lost one or both of my new boobs, the doctors/police would know what type and size they were! But no, my plastic surgeon said I don't need to carry the cards on me. Apparently, they give them to patients in the event of a catastrophic event where the hospital or doctors' medical records are destroyed and you need to know what size/type you have. However, I think I will keep a card in my purse in case the former does happen.

Polly has a new trick!

So far, all is well with my new boobs. Yesterday I took the bra off for the first time since the surgery. I have to say that they look pretty darn good! Today the surgeon will remove the drain on my left side. I wasn't supposed to have a drain but he had to do more extensive work on the left breast due to the radiation so it became necessary to put a drain in.

Not only are my new boobies pretty but the one on the left side can do a trick. My left boob farts! I know this sounds crazy but it's true. Every once in awhile, if I move a certain way, my left boob makes a sound that can best be described at a "wet fart." It's happened about 4 or 5 times now and at first I thought this surely can't be a good thing. Maybe the implant is leaking? However, I spoke to the nurse this morning about it and she said that the sound is actually caused by a trapped air bubble. She said that the body will eventually absorb the air bubble/pocket but for now I will have a "farting breast." I bet that most people can't say that their boob farts!

Polly gets new boobies!

Yesterday was hopefully the last surgery I'll ever have. I went to the hospital at 6:30am and was in the operating room by 8am. When I woke up approximately two hours later, I had a new set of boobies! Yippee, no more metal tissue expanders. I really think that if I had waited any longer, the metal points from the expanders would have poked through because the skin on the radiated breast was getting so thin. The surgeon said the surgery went well. When I woke up from anesthesia, they had put a bra on me so I haven't seen the new breasts completely yet. But from what I can see, they look pretty good.

I have to wear a bra 24/7 for the next two weeks except when I shower. This is to help keep the implants in place. We don't want them going all cock-eyed! I'm in a fair amount of pain, but I have pain killers which I take faithfully every 4-5 hours along with Advil. I have to take it easy for the next week or so which means no heavy housework/gardening or lifting. Lastly, when I sleep I have to sleep on my back only and elevate my upper body. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well last night and probably won't until I'm able to sleep in a normal position. Thank god for sleeping pills!