No Debbie Downers, please!

It’s funny how much you depend on other people to help when you’re sick, but sometimes the help is not the kind you need or want. Consider how people react to a loved one’s illness. Sure, when a person finds out they have cancer, like moi, they’re obviously going to be scared and sad. In fact, there are stages that you go through, like: 1) Shock & disbelief, 2) Anger, and why me?, and 3) Acceptance. I have gone through all of these stages at least once and probably will go through them again as time goes along. There’s also a “divide & conquer” phase. This is the time when you’ve accepted the news, you have a plan in place for how to attack it, and as hard as it’s going to be, you just want to get started. To get through this, I’m trying to find the humor in my situation whenever I can. When you’re already blessed with MS, learning you have breast cancer is as absurd as it gets!

So here’s the problem: Some people haven’t figured out that I’m trying to poke fun at my circumstances, even after reading my blog. For example, when I’m feeling sick to my stomach, suffering from a migraine, body aches, fever, hot & cold flashes and whatever else chemo throws my way, it doesn’t really help to have a Debbie Downer tell me how dreadful it is that I’m sick, and how sorry they are for me. Trust me—I don’t need anyone to remind me how bad I feel, or tell me that they’re taking the news worse than me.

Then there are the well-meaning emails rife with suggestions and recommendations. Hey, I am 40 years old, and I’ve been through two major medical diagnoses. If there’s anyone with experience researching doctors and treatments, it’s me! There may be times when I need some advice or help with some research. Trust me, when I do, I’ll ask for it.

Please understand. I don’t intend to come across as mean or ungrateful. It’s hard to hear that a friend or family member has been dealt a low blow. People often don’t know what to say, or how to help, making them feel helpless. But I’m trying my very best to remain positive, and to poke fun at what‘s obviously an ugly situation. The best thing friends and family can do for me is to be supportive, listen to me bitch & moan when I’m feeling really down, refrain from making obvious suggestions, and help me find humor in all of this CRAP! Yummy food is a wonderful and much appreciated gesture, too (thanks, Catherine!). Of course, there will be times when the sight & smell of food might make me want to stick my head in the toilet so don’t take it personally! And please do not be afraid to call me. I love hearing from all of you! In fact, ever since I started the blog, the phone has been at times, a little too quiet. If I’m feeling rotten or super tired, I just won’t pick up. It may take me a little while, but I’ll get back to you. Just NO “doom and gloom” voice mails or emails!