Tubes and tubes

I'm back! I survived the operation and was released from the hospital yesterday evening. As long as I remember to take my painkillers every four hours, I feel okay. But if I don't, the pain can get pretty intense! There was one small hiccup after the operation, because nothing is ever routine for me when it comes to health care procedures. I had a catheter placed in me prior to the operation (standard procedure), which was removed afterward. However, for several hours after the surgery, I still wasn't able to pee on my own. The on-duty nurse checked with the surgeon, and he instructed her to put a catheter back in. Apparently, she didn't have a lot of experience doing this, and brought another nurse (male) along to help out. So there I was, spread eagle on the bed, with the male nurse giving the female nurse instructions while she made several unsuccessful attempts to place in the catheter. Finally, the male nurse took over and got it in. Within moments a substantial flow of GREEN urine began filling up the bag. Mr. Pincushion said it looked like mouthwash. Turns out the breast surgeon injects a blue dye to help identify which tissue to remove during the surgery. Yellow + blue = green.

But wait, there's more. After leaving the catheter in overnight, the nurses removed it yesterday morning in anticipation of my being discharged. All I needed to do was show them that I could go pee without it. Well, my bladder just wouldn't cooperate. Even though I was drinking a ton of liquids, and getting even more fluids through the IV, I just could not go. From 10am to 5:30pm I tried every trick in the book... running water from the tap, listening to recordings of rainfall, holding my hands in warm water, drinking coffee, even pouring water over my bladder. Nothing worked! I was getting more and more frustrated and uncomfortable. They were just about to put the catheter back in when FINALLY I was able to relieve myself and get discharged from the hospital.

I saw the urologist this morning to get checked out, and she noticed that although I was able to go, I wasn't emptying my bladder completely. She thinks this is due to the surgery and the various medications I'm on, and will clear up soon. Until it does, though, I'll be needing a catheter. The one the urologist gave me is a little different from the one at the hospital. There's no bag, only a tube with a cap on the end that I can remove and then drain the pee into the toilet. So now I can go standing up, like a MAN! I even have to put the seat up! Hopefully everything will begin working normally again and I can get rid of the catheter on Monday. Until then, between the catheter, the drains from the mastectomy, and a pain pump, I have tubes coming out all over my body.