Flashes in the night

Now I can really have empathy for all those women who have gone through the big "change in life" - menopause. And I can say that so far parts of it really SUCK! For those of you that aren't familiar with all the nitty-gritty details of cancer, chemotherapy causes most premenopausal women to go into early menopause also known as "chemopause." Sometimes this lovely side effect is temporary and for other women, it's permanent. Obviously, I hope I'll be in the former group. The worst part of chemopause for me has been the god awful hot flashes that come out of it nowhere through out the day. They feel like someone has shoved me in the broiler and then turned it on full blast. Of course, it doesn't help that Austin, TX is hotter than hades right now - 100 degrees and sunny - with no relief in sight. My hot flashes are at their worst when I get into bed at night as my body temperature in completely out of whack. At first my body, particularly my bald head, is cold because of the central AC and the ceiling fan whirling above me. Usually I put on my cute pink cotton cap. Just as I'm feeling sleepy, the AC goes cycle goes off and my internal thermostat starts heating up, causing me to get clammy and overheated as I throw off my cotton cap and all the bed covers waking me up again. This craziness happens repeatedly until I finally fall asleep.

The hubby would probably say that my frequent irritableness is the worst symptom of chemopause. But then who's asking him? Besides, I do have a genuine physical and mental reason to be moody and impatient. Trust me, if men had to go through the change of life, either they would die off very soon afterwards or act like the biggest jerks ever!

An alien adventure

My port catheter, aka my "alien," finally had enough this past Friday—and tried to escape my chest. Pricking through my skin, I half expected it to burst through my chest wall, snarling at me and waving its slimy tentacles (just like that infamous scene from the movie "Aliens"). At the suggestion of my breast surgeon, I went back to see the surgeon who implanted the device. He agreed that if left to its own, the port would probably break through the skin, exposing me to a risk of infection. So Polly Pincushion was pricked once again. The doc put a needle in my chest, injected some local anesthetic,   and made a small incision near my catheter. All of this happened while I was wide awake, trying not to move or see the scalpel cutting into my skin. It turned out that a stitch he had made during the original procedure had worked its way to the surface of my skin. He just snipped it away then sewed me back up. Thank goodness my breast surgeon—as well as the chemo nurses—noticed the potential problem - kudos to them! Pictures below:

Before: The alien escapes!!

After: Back in my chest, safe and sound.

Lumps begone!

Some good news! I saw my breast surgeon this morning, and after a manual exam and an ultrasound, she said that she couldn't feel or see my tumors anymore. Now, by no means does this mean I'm cured. I still have cancer—and at least one of my lymph nodes is still enlarged—but apparently the tumors have shrunk so much that she couldn't detect them. So the chemo appears to be doing its job. Mr. Pincushion thinks my crazy nutritional regimen is helping, too. All I know is THANK GOD I haven't been going through all this crap for nothing.

My surgeon actually asked me what kind of surgery I'd like to have. I'm sure I looked at her like she had a third eye. I was kind of expecting her to just tell me the plan, or maybe discuss what she would do if she were in my shoes. Nope, she went over several different options, which include lumpectomy, mastectomy (single or double), along with an axillary lymph node dissection. So now it's time for more research and more opinions. I did learn one interesting tidbit, though. As part of some breast reconstruction procedures, surgeons can use stomach fat to help make a new boob. In fact, my surgeon said I shouldn't lose any more weight so they can use the fat that's already there. No more "pooch," just the flat stomach I've always wanted! Not that I was trying to lose weight, the "red devil" chemo took care of that for me. Bring on the milkshakes!

Last night I was "sleepless in Austin." I was still awake at 5:30am, thinking about all kinds of random, unimportant things. So while today's news was great and a welcome relief, I didn't have the energy to call anybody. Hopefully, tonight I will sleep soundly, and through the whole night.

A Bald Mistake

I'm having a great week so far with my Aunt Mary showing her around Austin despite the 102 degree temps (literally). She's been a huge help cooking up a storm and stocking my freezer with meals for the hubby and me. Plus, she's been taking Lucy for long walks in the morning while I sleep and sewing a few new pretty head scarves for me. Boy, I could get used to having her nearby all the time but unfortunately, she leaves tomorrow for home to much cooler Connecticut.

We've been so busy that on Tuesday night I did something I swore I would never do. We were rushing out the door to catch a movie (Tree of Life...interesting but rather bizarre). After parking, we started walking to the theatre when all of the sudden, I put my hand on my head and realized,  OH SH**T, I forgot to cover my bald head! My heart sunk but there was no time to go home and get a scarf and make it back in time for the movie. So I did what I never wanted to do which was to go into a public place with my shiny bald head on display for everyone to stare at. While I realize most people figure I have cancer when they see me wearing a scarf around my head, I don't feel as exposed and uncomfortable with it being covered up. I hate it when people look at me with a sad smile on their face as if I'm already on my death bed. Maybe I should get my body covered in colored tattoos wear a few chunky silver rings with skulls and heavy black eyeliner and then I would fit in more with the rest of Austin's population! Mr. Pincushion and I have always said that we're probably the only people in Austin that don't have any tattoos.

Oops!

Oops! I meant to include two more pictures on my last posting so I'll just add them here.

The view from my Dad's back yard of the eastern part of Penobscot bay.

Center Harbor in Brooklin, ME