Rock hard

My chest is soooo tight right now! And I don't mean tight as in "awesome," like the kids say these days. No, I mean my chest is literally tight. It feels like I'm wearing a straight jacket or that I've been mummified. Apparently this is all due to the tissue expanders that the plastic surgeon installed after my mastectomy. Not only do they cause this feeling of tightness, they're extremely hard, like two rocks sitting underneath my chest. Needless to say these tissue expanders are VERY uncomfortable. The muscle relaxers and painkillers don't seem to help much. I spoke to my plastic surgeon's nurse and she assured me that all of this is very normal, and that I'll be feeling better soon. In fact, she scheduled my first "expansion" session for next week. That's when the plastic surgeon will begin the months long process of injecting saline into the expanders, gradually making enough room in my chest for my new boobies. Sounds fun, huh? Actually, it sounds painful considering how tight and hard that area feels already. A friend who's been through the expansion process warned me to take a pain reliever beforehand because I'll be sore afterwards. Lovely!

From hills to valleys

Since the surgery 12 days ago I've tried not to look too closely at the carnage my double mastectomy left behind. From the few brief glances I've had in the mirror I can say that what's left on my chest sort of resembles rotten, bruised fruit...Yuck! On each breast there are incisions with sutures down the center, on the sides and below. It's like where there once were two small hills, there are now yellow and purple valleys, with train tracks going through. Sad but true. Mr. Pincushion, who can be squeamish, was getting ready to help me out of my post-surgery bra for the first time, when he paused and said, "Wait. I need a minute to prepare for this. Will I be shocked?" Fortunately, after the unveiling, he said "Actually, it's not that bad." Phew! What if he had passed out or got sick? Maybe, one day soon, I'll be able to look at my chest and not feel incredibly sad or horrified. But for now I'm just going to stay away from mirrors.

Oh happy day!

I'm EXTREMELY excited to be able to share some great news with everyone. My breast surgeon received the official reports from the pathologist, and it turns out I've had what is known in the trade as a "complete pathological response" to the chemotherapy. This means there was no trace of cancer in any of the breast tissue or lymph nodes that were sent to the pathologists for testing after my surgery! Apparently, the pathologist had even called my breast surgeon to ask her where my tumors were. According to the surgeon, this is the best outcome we could have hoped for, particularly in light of the fact that the cancer was already stage III when I was first diagnosed. So thankfully, all that I've endured over the last six months—the pain, nausea, hair loss, nerve damage, bathroom issues, and of course, the loss of my breasts—turns out to have been worth it.

Now I just need to get through this post-surgery recovery, the upcoming radiation treatments and the ongoing breast reconstruction, and life will be good again.

Down to two tubes

Yay! I'm back to peeing like a woman! My dad's fiance Lee, who has been a wonderful caregiver to me over the past several days, removed my catheter yesterday morning. I'll spare you the details, but now I know why men dribble on the seat. Then, after lunch, we went back to the the plastic surgeon's office, where the nurse removed the pain pump tube that was in my stomach. The pump had been slowly releasing a numbing agent over the days since my surgery, though it didn't completely eliminate the pain. Still, it's one less contraption to carry around everywhere (the actual pump was in a fanny pack). While we were in the office the nurse examined my chest, and reassured us that the swelling around my expanders was normal and that everything was looking good.

Besides getting rid of some of my tubes, the highlight of the day was that I finally took a real shower, the first one I've had in six days! I had been feeling pretty gross, and even though everyone assured me I didn't smell, they were probably just being nice...

Painkillers & Poop

The good news about the painkillers I've been taking is that they've kept the pain radiating from my chest from becoming too intense. The bad news about the painkillers is that they cause major constipation. We're talking five days with no bowel movements. My urologist, who's been trying to get my bladder working again, told me that these two bodily functions go hand-in-hand. So she suggested trying laxatives first. Sure enough, they didn't help, so I had to resort to the next option: a "fleet" enema. The first attempt didn't "take" (user error), so I ended up doing another. All was quiet until a few hours later, when the urge finally hit, big time. Without giving too much information, let's just say that it was not a pretty scene. For those of you who have seen the movie "Bridesmaids," imagine the scene that took place in the bathroom at the bridal salon, but on a much smaller scale!