Polly gets prepubscent

WARNING: This particular entry may be a little "T.M.I." for some of you. If so, I'm sorry, but this blog is about sharing the true, uncensored stories of my journey in cancer land. So you can stop reading if any of this makes you uncomfortable. 

I first noticed it while taking a shower this morning. I looked down and... OH NO!! I'm losing my pubic hair!! My nether regions appear to be reverting back to their prepubescent state! Now, I've been told that being bald "down there" is all the rage with teenage girls and 20-somethings. I personally don't like it one bit. My feeling is that we grow pubes for a reason, and they are a natural part of being a mature, adult woman. So for me, looking like I have the private parts of a 10 year old girl has been rather upsetting. In fact, since losing my hair (on my head), I've been feeling less and less womanly and less and less attractive. Having cancer and going through chemotherapy makes you feel about as sexy as a big ol' heap of poo. The thought of "getting it on" sounds about as much fun as eating that big ol' heap of poo. I'm sure that once I have surgery and they lop off one or both of my breasts these feelings will only get worse. Poor Mr. Pincushion... It's going to be a very LONG year for him. Thankfully, he's very understanding. I wonder if men lose their pubic hair when they have chemotherapy? Actually, I don't even want to think about that.

As a side note, tomorrow I begin what is rumored to be the slightly more tolerable chemotherapy called Taxol. I'll be doing this once a week for the next three months. Can't wait!!

My virtual trip home

Happy Memorial Day! For much of the country, Memorial Day weekend is linked with the start of summer weather. But for those of us who live in Central/South Texas, it's just another day in May: sunny, bone-dry, and 98 degrees.

As I wrote about in my previous entry, my niece graduated from high school this weekend. While I was sad I missed out on all the family festivities, I'm relieved the hubby and I ended up canceling our trip to California. For one thing, I spent all of Saturday, the day of the graduation party, on the couch, exhausted from the last chemo treatment. I've had the usual intermittent nausea all weekend, and my mouth/throat sores are back again, making it painful to swallow. And to top it off, my poor niece ended up with a nasty stomach virus the day of her graduation. While I feel terrible for her, I'm also grateful I don't have to worry about catching the same bug. I don't even want to think about what it would have been like to be suffering from a stomach virus on top of all of the chemo side effects, all while trapped in an airplane!!

On the bright side, thanks to the wonders of modern technology (specifically, Apple's FaceTime video chat application), I was able to "attend" the big family/friend graduation party without ever leaving my comfy couch. I got to say hi to some people I haven't seen in a long time, hear a couple of toasts, and watch as my niece received her shiny new bicycle for college, a gift from a group of us. This really helped to lift my spirits, and I felt a little better about not being there in person. So a big thanks to whoever created FaceTime, and to Lee for setting everything up on the California side - love you!

Last Dose of the "Red Devil."

Hurray! I just had my fourth and last round of the infamous "red devil" chemo today. Now I'm just waiting for the miserable side effects to kick in, as I know they will based on the previous three rounds. In two weeks I'll start another chemo called Taxol, which I'll receive every week for 3 months. Taxol is suppposedly easier on the body, with the most common side effects being fatigue, bone and joint pain—oh, and my fingernails might start separating from the nail bed, perhaps falling off completely! That would be a pretty hot look for a bald chick, especially if I lose my eyelashes or eyebrows too. Watch out Tyra Banks!

Unfortunately, cancer has derailed a trip I was really looking forward to. After much reflection and advice from some of the Pink Cowgirls, we canceled our travel plans to fly to CA this week for my niece's high school graduation. Major bummer because I really wanted to be there to celebrate with her and participate in the festivities with my family and friends :( But the risk of getting on a plane and traveling while feeling sick and incredibly fatigued just doesn't seem like a good idea right now.

So to my niece: Again, I'm so sorry I won't be there, but I know you understand. You've turned into a wonderful young woman and I'm very proud of you. I love you with all my heart. Just know that I will be thinking of you constantly this weekend. And let's try to see each other before you head off to college, even if you fly out here yourself to see me.

Polly is proud of Mr. Pincushion

A momentous occasion happened this past weekend. I witnessed Mr. Pincushion walk on stage during UT's graduation and get "hooded" thereby officially becoming a Doctor! While he won't be saving lives or finding a cure for diseases, he will help shape and mold young minds and pass on his passion and love for music thereby making the world a better place. It's been six years coming and a long six years at that (for both of us). There were times during the grueling process that neither one of us were completely confident that he would make it to the end, but he did. What's even more remarkable is that he was able to focus and finish writing his dissertation in the face of disastrous news - that I had aggressive breast cancer. If the tables were turned and I was told that he had cancer, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to write one word let alone a very long research paper! So kudos to you, Mr. Pincushion. I'm very, very proud of you for sticking with it even when you didn't think you could. It's a wonderful accomplishment and you will always hold the title of "Dr." even if you do end up being a coffee barista at Starbucks. And if you do, I'll still love you as long as you make me free lattes.

Cotton mouth Polly

Have you ever felt like there's a big ol' cotton ball stuffed in your mouth? Has your tongue ever been coated in a nasty white film? Have you ever felt like you're swallowing acid every time you eat? Or like you have one of those ridiculous horse-sized pills permanently lodged in your throat, and every time you swallow, it's like a needle scraping up against your esophagus? Well that's what I've felt like for the past 5 days now, and it SUCKS! Yes, Polly has encountered another lovely side effect of chemotherapy—mouth sores and "thrush." I haven't been able to swallow my pills, and it has been really painful to eat anything but soft, bland food. And I'm getting mighty sick of soft, bland food. I mean, I like yogurt, smoothies and ice cream—a lot—but enough already; bring on the flavorful Chinese food or Indian food!

Today, after about the fifth day of taking an oral drug and of swishing and swallowing this nasty medication for mouth sores, I think I'm finally turning the corner! I ate some pizza tonight, and it didn't kill going down my gullet. And I was actually able to swallow most of my pills again. I think I'll celebrate with some coffee flavored ice cream. Hey, I didn't say I was done with ice cream for good!

And it's finally raining here in Austin. Just the second time since last September. Yippee! I can hear the grass, trees and flowers sighing with relief.